Me Too.
Just tell him you’re going to the bathroom. Or say you just got your period or something. No, he’ll think that’s gross. What if he tries to follow me to the bathroom? This is so awkward. How do I leave? At first I didn’t want to come off as rude.. But this is a little ridiculous.
First off, why did he take me into his small-ass college dorm room that has a bunk bed with no sheets. I’m not sure how ‘help me find my friends’ equates to ‘take me to your room.’ But here we are. Also. What’s that smell? Low-key scared to look in his hamper. Honestly, I might throw up. But maybe that’s because I slammed back 5 tequila shots in one hour. Now I actually have to go to the bathroom.
“Heyyy budddy. Uhm. Dónde está bañooo?
“What?”
“Oh, ha, where’s the bathroom?”
“That closed door is the bathroom.”
Shut up. It’s in his room? Ok, maybe someone will answer from my group chat.
“Ok. Thanks. Be R beeeee”
* Walks in bathroom and shuts door *
Are you real? Are you reeaaalllll? How are you dead right now?!
* Throws iPhone across the floor *
“Hey, you all good in there?”
Before I have a chance to answer the door slams open.
“What are you doing? What was that noise?”
I want to ask for a charger.. but I also don’t want him to know my phone is dead.
“Oh, sorry. I found out I have an exam super early and need to leave.”
Well that was easy.
I walked out the door and left.
Can we all agree right now that that’s what should have happened? I should’ve been able to leave at my own free will. I shouldn’t have had to even come up with an excuse. I should’ve been able to say ‘I want to go home’ and just leave.
That’s not what happened though. I was told ‘it was fine.’ When it clearly was not fine. I had been uncomfortable from the moment we entered his room.
There’s no way this is happening. I pushed him off and ran down three flights of stairs. I made it to the bottom and violently threw up.
I feel like I should be sorry, like I did something wrong. Like I deserved what happened because I got separated from my friends. No one deserves that. No one deserves to be in that situation. And if you ever have, don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself or speak out. Chances are a lot of people will be on your side and, unfortunately, know exactly what you’re going through.
I wish I could say the story above wasn’t true, or I hadn’t heard it from a friend before. Unfortunately, these situations occur all the time. After seeing #MeToo appear on every social media platform, it became apparent that many women experience this.
The Hashtag
The hashtag #MeToo originated from Tarana Burke but just recently went viral. After the Harvey Weinstein ‘biggest kept secret of Hollywood’ came out, #MeToo resurfaced. One after another, women came forward revealing their own sexual harassment experiences. The response was overwhelming. People started supporting each other by using the hashtag and showing that they are not alone.
According to National Sexual Resource Center, “One in five women and one in 71 men will be raped at some point in their lives.” Think of your sibling, co-worker, childhood friend, ex-partner, even a random acquaintance being in the wrong place at ‘the wrong time.’ As the statistic shows, women have a higher chance of becoming victims. We live in a patriarchal society where women are often taken advantage of. Baby-Boomers and Millennials have teamed up together to start a movement however.
And before I go any further, I need to clarify something. A Feminist is someone who believes in equal rights for both men and women and everything in-between. Put down your armor just because the word “fem” is in it. If we focus on the fact that we are all human beings, then we will continue to make progress. I hope to see men and women and everyone in between standing up against social injustices. My goal is for future generations to feel empowered to make a positive impact.
Hopefully this quote by Angela Davis can bring further inspiration, “I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change, I am changing the things I cannot accept.” Let’s unite together and change the things that bring pain, heartache and humiliation.
Let's Talk Vibes: East vs. West
The word ‘vibe’ has become popularized through various sources of media over the last decade. Kendrick Lamar’s 2012 hit single “Bitch Don’t Kill My Vibe” is a prime example of Kendrick creating a connotation of the word. I didn’t initially realize how different the aura was in California compared to New England. After living bi-coastal for five years, however, it has become evident that each coast has its’ own vibe. In this blog I will expose the east and west coast cultural differences from my personal experiences, relationships and travels. The Venn diagram below breaks down my findings.
Growing up in Massachusetts, I became accustomed to the fast-paced lifestyle at a young age – how people walked, talked, drove and displayed their mannerisms seemed accelerated. People were walking with a purpose – as if they had somewhere they needed to be. I think that’s when I learned, ‘time is money.’ No one had time for slow drivers, slow conversations, or hesitation. It wasn’t until I came to the west coast that I experienced the contrast between the coasts. You truly need to be “fast on your feet” to survive the east coast mentality. If not, it can seem intimidating. People say what they mean and mean what they say. I was so entrenched in this idea. I never thought being straight-forward could be seen as negative, but I was in for a culture shock when I came to California.
When arriving in San Diego, I assumed it was normal to speak in a direct manner, use sarcasm to flirt, and walk (& talk) a mile a minute.
FLASHBACK to my first night out at San Diego State University where I met a guy who was basically Chad Michael Murray’s twin. I immediately poked fun at him all night and used my satirical jokes to impress him – showing I had some depth. The night’s coming to an end and just when I think he’s about to ask me out, he announces that he thought I was incredibly rude, and even worse, he didn’t think I was funny.
For the first few years, I felt a disconnect between me and my peers. I felt misunderstood. I had trouble making solid connections and relationships. I knew the importance of first impressions and started feeling uncomfortable when I heard people say, “Don’t mind her, she’s from the east coast.” Was I coming off as rude this whole time? Maybe I wasn’t meant for the west coast and the west coast wasn’t meant for me.
I wanted to be surrounded by people who got where I was coming from; people who automatically understood my intentions; people who didn’t think I was born with a RBF.
I craved intimate conversations and searched for a code to crack the small talk. I immediately gravitated towards people from the east coast so it’s no surprise that my best friends in college were from there.
People would gawk at us as while we simultaneously held three different conversations going on. Three voices at the same time, and not one word was missed in the mix. Our brains were trained to speak and listen at the same time. It became apparent that people perceived us as obnoxious and over-the-top. “Can’t you guys just chill?”
I once felt the word ‘chill’ carried a negative connotation. I associated it with laziness, being unmotivated, lacking passion, and not caring for much of anything. It wasn’t until my junior year of college that I started understanding the word differently.
Chill meant you didn’t let the negative moments in life affect your entire day. Chill meant you were easy-going and had a calm temperament. Chill meant you enjoyed the simple things in life and always had a reason to smile. After that epiphany, I became more acclimated to the California lifestyle. I found myself becoming more polite, friendly and influenced by everyone’s positive energy- and some might even say, more chill.
“You’re a ‘cali girl’ now,” my friends from Massachusetts kept saying. I had learned how to control my energy and adjust to the atmosphere. I felt a wave of relief when I could finally start calling San Diego my new home. And I realized home isn’t as tangible as I once thought it was. Home isn’t a building with a brown door and welcome mat. Home is where the positive vibes run wild. Home is where your heart longs to be. Home is where the soul is.
The vibes in California are the perfect recipe for happiness; while the vibes on the east coast are the perfect recipe for determination. After five years on the west coast, I can finally say that those two concepts can coexist. Just because my mind feels connected to the east coast, doesn’t mean my heart can’t feel connected to the west. I strongly advise my east coast homies to make a trip out to the west coast and for my west coast fam to travel the beautiful east coast.
Check out this BuzzFeed quiz to find out if you’re more of an east coast or west coast peep! Not surprised, I still got East Coast <3